how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
