Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
