$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
