All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
