carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Randomize
