don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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