Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
