she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
