They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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