I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My life is pants optional.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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