you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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