After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
