i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
