census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
