Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
