Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
