you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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