I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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