His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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