i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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