even my farts smell like vagina
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
