we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
