Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
