My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
