Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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