yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
