I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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