I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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