PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
