I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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