HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
he was CRYING into my vagina
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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