dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
