My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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