we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
