Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
