Just fell off a train. Bad.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
