so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
