Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
