Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
