Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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