Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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