who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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