My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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