You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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