I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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