dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
