There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
