I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
