Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
