So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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