Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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