whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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