just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
